oxoniensis (oxoniensis) wrote in svficforum,

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'Hymns of You'

I've finally braved posting here!! *g*

I've chosen 'Hymns of You' to request comments on: it's only about 1,600 words so won't take anyone long to read, and I'm curious as to what readers honestly make of the style. Plus it's an NC-17 Clex story, so I'm hoping that temptation will make more people willing to look it over!! ;-)

This is actually my favourite story, but that's largely because it flowed off the pen with amazing fluency, rather than because it's my best story. It felt wonderful to write, and I can still look at it with pleasure - not the case with a lot of my writing!

However, I'm aware that it has certain quirks which may or may not work - if not, I'd be glad to know.

A major quirk is the somewhat stylised dialogue. Although I wrote it with college age Clark in mind rather than a seventeen year old (I mentally place it in that time period, although I intentionally didn't give any setting or background at all), the dialogue still isn't written as normal speech. I chose to do that to give it the feel of poetry, and to make it a little unreal, almost a dream rather than reality.

It also uses a lot of lines from Walt Whitman's poem 'To You'. For that reason it's been described as song fic, which was far from my intent.

I'm not American, and American syntax doesn't come naturally to me - are there places where the wording jars an American reader?

Another writing issue that I constantly have, and which may or may not be a problem in this story, is the good old 'show don't tell'. It's a beta comment I get a lot, and for good reason: I find it hard to discern in my own writing.

Any comments on the matters I've noted, or any other constructive critisism would be great.

Thanks folks!
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